Indulge me for a minute today. I am not going to provide you with a recipe or food tip or give you any new product information. Today I want to tell you why I am so pleased to be associated with the Hospice fundraising project this Christmas. It is really simple....his name was Jay.
To understand this story I got to take you the whole way back to my being a kid. I grew up in a rural setting. My parents lived, and still live, in the house that was my great grandmothers. It is out of the ordinary in that setting to have houses right across the road from each other but living right there were my cousins. Now this was a family where the kids were really stretched out. My older cousins were actually graduated from high school and on their own when I was just little. But nestled at the tail end of the family were my two cousins Jay and Tammy King. Jay was two years older then me, then one year below me was my brother Russ and following him in age was Tammy. We were sort of like stair steps.
At this point is important that you understand that I don't have a single childhood memory that doesn't in some way include Jay or Tammy. We got out of bed every day of our lives and we played together. Some days we fought together. We would argue and get mad and quit playing and march ourselves inside. If you didn't play with them that would show them! But it didn't take you long sitting in your house, by yourself, listening to your friends outside having fun to realize you better get over yourself. The only one being punished by your absence was you. You shrugged off any last feelings of self righteousness and went back out to play. It was like this for years.
One of my favorite pictures of that time in my life is me on the first day of school. I am standing by my back porch in a dress that appears to be too short because I was already too tall for my age. I am holding the hand of my friend Jay. He was in second grade, a seasoned veteran, and ready to take me to my first day of school.
Jay being the oldest of our foursome he was the ground breaker. He got to do everything first. He was the first of us to cross the road to our house without asking his mother, he got his license first, and he went to college first.
But the most significant thing about Jay wasn't that he was first it was that he was the glue. He hated when we all argued and was the first one to put our friendship back on solid ground. He was the one who came up with ideas like selling Kool-Aid along the road. (Remember this was a rural road so customers were hard to find!) He was the one who was.....he was the nice one. Yes, that is the right word. He was the nice one. Always happy, always fun loving....always. It was like we grew up in Mayberry.
Then real life happened.
We all hit our 40's and for Jay it became a hard decade. He was diagnosed with Melanoma. It was a tough diagnosis. Jay was devastated and all of us who loved him were too. He fought long and hard. Surgery after surgery. Treatment after treatment. Good news.....a bit of time that looked promising.....all to be brought back to reality very quickly. It was terrible. To quote my kids: it sucked. (I hate that phrase but in this situation, it fits.)
None of us wanted to believe it. We all refused to really even talk about where he was headed. We just kept smiling and praying. We all prayed a lot.
One of the hardest parts for me was visiting at the end. In January of this year the cancer came roaring back. It became clear it was going to win. I went back to his parents house to visit him frequently. I found it hard to make conversation. Think about it, when you visit a friend you talk about yesterday, today and tomorrow. How to you talk about tomorrow with someone who has few of those left?
A friend suggested we talk about the past. We did. I went to my parents attic and I got out the pictures of our past. I wanted desperately to find the one of Jay and I on the first day of school. We talked about the teachers we had, we talked about riding our bikes, we talked about growing up and we laughed ourselves sick......sadly his sick was getting worse by the day.
Then the day came that would be a huge turning point. He couldn't stay at his parents anymore. He knew the day was coming and he knew it would be a last stop. On Valentines Day he was moved to the Hospice House. I had not been there before. I heard stories of their wonderful care, of a pretty home like setting. I had avoided going because I knew that behind the pretty facade there was a truth that would be hard to accept.
Once Jay was moved there I began going daily. It was everything everyone had ever said that it would be. A beautiful setting with caring staff to live out your days. Jay and I continued our chats about the past until there was no more chatting. Family and friends gathered and time slipped away. Jay slipped away on April 20th.
How does anyone give back to folks who take that kind of care of someone you love? I still ask what you do or how you go about that. But I am pleased at this point to have created a necklace and a pair of earrings that are being sold in the hospital gift shop for the benefit of the Hospice program.
I am sorry this picture doesn't come close to doing the pieces justice, but it gives you an idea of color and style. This is my second year of being involved in this program. Last year we did a necklace and bracelet that were called Courage. This year the theme is Faith. Last year I felt that Jay would end up in the Hospice program and I was right. I knew the kind of courage he had shown in dealing with his diagnosis. This year I used Faith as I have faith that he has been made whole and well as he stepped from this world to the next.
I have learned that we can't really change what is set forth for us on this earth. Job 7:1 says,
"Is there not an appointed time to man upon earth? Are not his days also like the days of an hireling?" I guess that Jay's time on earth was exhausted. We all have a time appointed for us and for some it is way too short of a time. But when there is an illness that must be faced and dealt with at the end of that journey there is a place to go that holds everyone together and makes the exit from this earth an easier transition.
I am pleased to be associated with this charity. They are supported with donations and the support of our community. This Christmas consider giving a necklace or a pair of earrings that every time the recipient wears them there is a reminder that you have supported a wonderful charity and necessary addition to our community. You can find the pieces on display at the hospital gift shop and the volunteers there will help arrange for you to order a piece.
There is a saying that there are angels among us. I would venture to say they reside inside the Hospice House.
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